Monday, February 14, 2005

The Ladies

Valentines Day brings this truth out of me:

So, what is it with women anyway? In their 20's they can't seem to understand the need to find a great guy and love him with abandon. But when they reach their 30's and 40's they lose all sense of pride and throw themselves at any man who holds down a good job and possesses just a little bit of emotional depth, unless of course they're "clubbin".

In a club it's all about club wear and looking free and easy. It's a whole new kind of game. The ladies aren't necessarily interested in emotional depth, they're more interested in finding a guy in designer clothes, nice body and with that look in their eye. You know the look. It's the look that all hard core players throw out as soon as their surrounded by ladies. Some call it throwing a Zoolander. In these places, all good guys need not apply, because its happy hour and girl’s night all rolled up into one. The ladies are looking for: over-the-top, cut jaw, abs and ass.

As for me, in a club who knows, outside a club, not too shabby: successful career, high earning potential (remember the x's), artistic, easy going, yet out going, depth and breadth like an ocean, and I'm not looking too bad for a 4o year old either. Talk about the knock-out punch (minus the ex-wives of course)! So the problem is this. Every girl I go out with a couple of times pledges her undying love and proclaims our souls were destined for everlasting union. Holy crap! Will you just give me a couple of months to get to know you before you drop the anvil!

I call it rounding the corner. Most of these women round the corner long before I even see it coming up. Some say I'm a little slow picking up on the signals, but what's up with that? How can you catch a signal in three dates? I've come a long way these past few years though. I've finally learned something important. I keep one eye on the road and one eye on her tail lights. When I see the turn signal start to flash and she's too far ahead of me, I slam my foot into the brake pedal and start looking for a nice, quaint, dark, Irish Pub where I can hide out.

I know what I do wrong. The ladies are more than happy to share with me all the reasons I throw their little hearts into overdrive. So, let me enlighten you. I tell them that I don't want a serious relationship, but then I share with them my true, heart felt feelings. Definitely, two things that together makes absolutely no sense to a woman. With that they say my words create conflicting stories. Here's a big "For Example":

Tracy: "Can we just take this slow? I'm not ready for a serious relationship."

Ladies: "No problem. Neither am I."

- - - - Same Conversation - 20 Minutes Later - - - -

Ladies: "Trace, when you think of relationships, what is it that you would ultimately like to have?"

Tracy: "The relationship I would love is the one my grandparents had. I want to share the experiences of planting a garden and growing old with a woman who is my best friend. "

Ladies: “Oh, me too! You’re my soul mate! I love you! We were meant for each other!"

So you might think that I'm sounding a bit commitment adverse. I don't think I am. I just want to arrive at the corner around the same time as she does. You would think women would understand where I'm coming from. I'm an open book, a communicator. Answer me this question: After you've been hit in the head with a baseball bat a couple of times, does it take you a little longer to trust someone wielding a bat? Well of course it does! A woman wanting a relationship is like a woman wielding a bat.

I've been hit with a bat a time or two in my life. What I’ve learned is that commitment doesn't equal marriage. Commitment equals love, respect, companionship, loyalty and honesty. Marriage should only come after a long and tested tenure of a joint partnership, and as a reward for years of sacrifice and hard work. It's not a beginning point, it's a mile post.

So ladies (and you know who you are) take a breath, stop spraying your Miracle Grow girl juice all over your relationships. Let love evolve slowly and naturally. The corner comes up fast enough as it is, so conserve your fuel for the long haul.

These are mytruewords.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nicely put. I look forward to this blog taking root and I look forward to reading your thoughts. You are a talented writer.

Anonymous said...

"It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations."

Gibran, Kahlil
1883-1931 Lebanese Poet Novelist

Anonymous said...

Let me start by complimenting you for having the guts to post your opinions and feelings on the sensitive topics you have (men, women, and truth). These are all huge topics that are threatening to most people, but that is because they are so central to people understanding themselves, the other, and each other. Most people aren't honest enough with themselves to think about these topics the way you do (openly, emotionally, immediately), but you have the courage to think about them, formulate your opinion on them, and then share them publicly. You deserve praise for that.

I have so many comments for this post, but I want to start by asking a couple of questions surrounding one of your thoughts. Perhaps I will address more about this post at a later time.

In your post, you tell women to slow down and, "let love evolve slowly and naturally," but what does this mean? Is there a "natural" way for love to form? Is the way you have experienced love in the past natural to you? and if so, can you assume that your idea of the natural evolution of love is natural for everyone? You approach and experience love in one way, but people are so different that they will each approach and experience love differenty.

Each of my relationships have evolved differently (some reaching love and some not), but the interaction between any two people is going to be unique and shouldn't that include the way any two people fall in love as well? The "natural" way for two people to fall in love will be unrecognizable to each of them, since it will be reached in a different manner than either of them have ever experienced before. How can you look for something you won't recognize?

To me, there is no natural way for love to form. Love grows out of the experiences two people share with each other. Your comments about the way love forms seems very limited. Women will only be able to reach you if they fall in love the way you imagine love evolving. You seem very open, but also very closed and scared: i think it is ultimately your fear or women that causes your closure. If you view women as harmful (as a baseball bat), you begin interacting with them in a protective stance. If you can't be open and trusting from the start, will you ever get there? Love can only be reached by opening yourself completely to another person; can you do that if you start closed and afraid?

I don't mean any of this in an accusatory way, but you posted your thoughts, so here are mine.

Anonymous said...

I am a women, and I think you're correct in thinking that women round the corner too quickly. How can you possibly fall in love with someone in such a short period of time. It's as though they fall in love with the idea of you or any man at that instead of taking the time to stay in the present and get to know the person they think they love. Women get so caught up in thinking they always need to have a man. I don't understand it. It's not like their self worth goes up 10 fold once they have a man. Seriously, how insecure could they possibly be. If someone told me they loved me after three dates I would turn around and run. If someone thinks they are in love after three dates then they should take the time to consider what love really is. It is completely different than infatuation. I believe women need to figure out their own feelings and acknowledge when they are infatuated with someone and when they could possibly be in love. The only problem is they let their emotions take over and don't use their head.

Anonymous said...

So much biting contempt in your comments tells me you are masking some serious sorrow.

In all seriousness I ask you, when was the last time YOU loved with abandon?

Anonymous said...

I have just read your comment about ladies and I have just one question for you? Have you ever been in love once in your Life?...
Your comments seem to show so much bitterness, sorrow and fear with wome, and the relationship you had with them...
I would be very interested to get an answer from you.
Love can be perceived differently and there is no receipe to find the matching mate.. you just have to let your feelings go and not let enter too many thoughts in your relations with other...be natural and true.. it is a matter of feelings, sensations and wellbeing...